We all have an inner voice that keeps us company throughout the day. Sometimes, it encourages us or reminds us of what’s important. But for many, that voice becomes a harsh inner critic—a voice that constantly whispers, “You should be better,” or “You’re not doing enough.”
In a country where so many people are just trying to survive, provide, and hold their families together, that critical voice can be especially heavy. And yet, here’s the truth: harsh self-judgment doesn’t make us stronger. What does? Kindness. Gentleness. Self-awareness.
What Is the Inner Critic?
The inner critic is that internal voice that focuses on your flaws, mistakes, or perceived shortcomings. It might sound like:
- “You messed that up again.”
- “Why can’t you just get it right?”
- “Other people handle things better than you do.”
Sometimes this voice tries to protect us from failure or disappointment. But over time, it wears us down. Instead of motivating us, it creates self-doubt, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion.
Where Does It Come From?
The inner critic isn’t born overnight. It often comes from:
- Early experiences where love or safety felt conditional
- Cultural or family messages about success, strength, or perfection
- Fear of being rejected, embarrassed, or not good enough
In South Africa, many grow up with the unspoken rule to be “tough,” to cope without complaining. But that silence can turn inward, breeding shame instead of resilience.
How the Inner Critic Affects Us
Living with a loud inner critic can:
- Increase feelings of anxiety and worthlessness
- Lead to burnout by driving us to constantly “do more”
- Make us afraid to try new things or take healthy risks
- Damage our self-esteem and relationships
But there’s good news: this voice is not your truth. And it can be softened.
Practical Tools to Quiet the Inner Critic
Just like resilience, self-kindness is something we can learn and practise over time. Here are a few gentle ways to begin:
- Name the Voice
Start noticing when the inner critic shows up. Give it a name if it helps. Labeling it creates distance and helps you see that this voice is just one part of your experience—not the whole story. - Ask: Would I Say This to a Friend?
If the answer is no, it’s a clue that your inner voice needs some compassion. Try speaking to yourself as you would to someone you love. - Practice Self-Compassion
This doesn’t mean ignoring mistakes—it means holding space for your humanity. You’re allowed to be imperfect and still be worthy of care. Try saying, “This is hard, and I’m doing my best.” - Watch Out for “Always” and “Never”
The inner critic loves extremes: “You always fail” or “You never get it right.” Gently challenge those thoughts with more balanced language like, “Sometimes I struggle, but I’m learning.” - Make Room for Kinder Voices
Spend time with people who speak gently and supportively. Over time, those voices become internal too.
You Are Already Enough
There is nothing wrong with striving for growth or setting goals. But you don’t have to earn your worth. You are already enough—as you are, in this moment.
And if quieting that inner critic feels too hard to do alone, you don’t have to. Therapy can help you understand where these critical voices come from, how they shaped you, and how to build a softer, stronger inner world.
I offer both in-person sessions at my Centurion practice and Zoom sessions for your convenience. You’re also welcome to request a free Therapy Journal to gently support your journey toward healing.
Ready to Begin?
Click here to book your session, or send us a WhatsApp message today.
In-person sessions: 120 Zambezi Avenue, Doringkloof, Centurion
Zoom sessions available nationwide.